Days 9 through 12: The Bank Job, Jersey Girl, Venus, and Green Wing - or More Movie than I Know What to Do With

I thought I’d take a minute to answer the most popular question I’ve been asked so far on my movie-watching quest after ‘Why?’, which is ‘How?’ Easy: any way I can. Thursday night, the last night I posted, I was exhausted after a long day of work, and cranking out my ‘Godfather’ opus in an overcrowded Panera café. I came home, sick of it all, determined to do nothing but watch my DVR’d TV shows, which I did, until 11-ish. This is what I call the Magic Hour. The old, ingrained habits of my wasted youth crave their moment of glory just before bedtime. Little movie-crazy gremlins sit on my shoulders. ‘Will she switch to Turner Classic Movies, just to glance? Maybe TBS? Can we make her?’ And they did. So, when my weekend later turned into time-on-the-road instead of time-in-front-of-TV, I had backup! Between that, and the awesome “Watch Instantly” feature of Netflix (available 24/7 to feed my debauchery), I’m managing.

I also managed to make it to L.A. this weekend for a free roundtable of directors – all nominees for the Golden Globe for Best Foreign Language Film. But that’s a story that will have to wait until later in the week…


Film 9: “The Bank Job” (2008) – Pretty Pretty Jason Statham and Professionally Pouty Saffron Burrows Pick Lloyds of London’s Pockets

Written by Dick Clement and Ian La Franais
Directed by Roger Donaldson

Excellent Friday night movie. Good caper flicks are hard to make, and this one cuts the mustard. A few critics have even put it on their Best of 2008 lists. I was too pooped to care about that, though, after a long week. I just wanted a good, let-my-brain-rest fun flick. “The Bank Job” is exactly that.

Not as edgy as Guy Ritchie’s gangster flicks like “Snatch,” but not as hard to understand the accents either. (Bonus: Your kids probably won’t even understand the swearing, since half of it refers to ‘bullocks,’ hardly a common junior high phrase.) Statham does a fine job; he seems to be heir-apparent to the Bruce Willis mix of dark comedian and just-happened-to-be-there action hero. And with her hollow cheeks and gangly frame, Burrows manages to emanate a bit of fragility in her performance as Martine Love, an ex-model who smells easy money in the titular Bank Job. The love story – because of course the writers couldn’t resist one – rests loosely on longing looks and references to unfulfilled youthful lust. “It was always you, Terry” is as deep as it gets – hardly enough to spoil the momentum of small-time hoods in way over their heads.

BTW, the film’s premise is deliciously racy, earning it an R-rating, based on compromising photographs of a princess inflagrante with several other people – at the same time – so if you do watch it with the teenagers, be warned. The nitty-gritty for those considering the 13+ crowd: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0200465/parentalguide


Film 10: “Jersey Girl” (2004) – Because in the End, I Have to Watch Anything by the Great Senor Smith

Written and Directed by Kevin Smith (“Chasing Amy,” “Clerks,” “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back”)

SO not Kevin Smith’s usual movie – a wanna-be weepy about a widower who has to decide whether to stay in small-town Jersey for his daughter’s sake or go for the Big Job in Manhattan. But then again…it kind of IS Smith’s usual territory.

Ben Affleck and George Carlin are here per usual, as are Matt Damon and Jason Lee, in a killer cameo as soulless PR execs. Themes of friendship and romance, check. And porn. Of course. So why does this movie get such a bad rap? One word: uneven.

Affleck seems to be juggling a few different characters here, even though he’s only cast in one. Driven career guy, sensitive husband and hopeless romantic, stony-faced cynic and enlightened 21st century dad. The journey between these faces seems to be missing, and even though it’s popular to do so, I don’t think most of the blame can be laid at Affleck’s feet. It’s as if large chunks of the film are missing – in fact, most of Act Two just seems to have evaporated. After the tragic loss of his wife (Jennifer Lopez) and job, Affleck retreats to the “country” – here played by New Jersey – with a daughter he wants to resent. He decides not to – in one scene. Then when he wants to go back to the Big Life, he decides to ignore her and turn his back on the last seven years – in one scene. Both are the ‘hearts’ of the movie, but neither seems to make any sense, based on what we’ve seen about the guy.

As for the love story with grad student Maya (Liv Tyler), which has great promise, who can tell where it went? Three scenes do not a subplot make. Especially when only one of them (the best, funniest scene of the movie) features the characters beginning a relationship (in a shower). They’re already ‘discussing’ it in the other two – and we have to ask, “What ‘it?’”

Anyway, this is isn’t awful. It’s not good either. It’s just not done. Or perhaps it was undone somewhere along the line by a scissor-happy editor – encouraged by nervous studio reps, who knew the J-Lo/Affleck combo would kill their box office. Instead, they killed the movie.


Film 11: “Venus” (2006) – Peter O’Toole’s Most Nominated Performance (or ‘Goofy Old Guy Wakes Up Young Girl’)

Written by Hanif Kureishi
Directed by Roger Michell

Poor old Peter O’Toole. One glance at his IMDB page of award nominations, and I understood the look he had after losing at the 2007 Oscars (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000564/awards). Ten Golden Globe noms, seven Oscar nods. But since 1970, he’s had trouble getting arrested at those events. Never won an Oscar. I guess the man could feel entitled at this point. Somebody needs to get on the ball and dish out a Lifetime Achievement Award before the poor guy expires of anticipation. He was nominated for almost a dozen biggies for his performance in “Venus” and won none. Well, Petey, I think you’re grand. And I’m pretty sure anyone who sees this film will think so, too.

Not a complicated movie, just great performances – really only three major parts – all excellent. Leslie Phillips plays Ian, the tottering curmudgeon retiree, best pal of fellow actor Maurice (O’Toole), who still gets bit parts, mostly as corpses. Ian decides to invite his niece from the country to stay with him in the big city, and she does – Jodie Whittaker as Jessie. Her monosyllabic grunts and grungy personal hygiene horrify Ian, and at first they did me too. But Maurice sees her beauty, as only a horny old player can, and gradually, so do we. Simple but engrossing.


Film 12: “Green Wing” (2004) British TV series, 18 episodes, DVD set

Created by Victoria Pile

You might call this cheating. After all, it’s not on my Netflix list, since you can’t yet buy this series state-side (though you can catch it sometimes on BBC America). But Liese, my pal in Nottingham, visited me over the holidays and left me this little pile of gold. I can only play it on my computer, since it’s Region 2 – Europe – and not U.S. And I can only do that so long as I don’t switch back to American regions (total of 4 switches allowed in Windows Media Player). Trust me. This is worth it.

“Green Wing” is like “Scrubs” on speed. The famous British reserve has its opposite side – blindingly-paced sarcasm, sex and toilet jokes. In the first episode, the brainy and fetching Dr. Caroline Todd (Tamsin Grieg, also fantastic in the series” Love Soup” and “Black Books”) arrives for her first day of work at the hospital in need of a shower. The self-appointed stud of the ranks Guy Secretan (Stephen Mangan) lures her to his flat…and a stopped-up toilet fouls up his plan. How Pile and her writers manage to pull this off while delivering dialogue more intelligent than three American network shows put together is the magic of British entertainment. Add in a Human Resources Manager who speaks in dolphin, a total lack of medical jargon (and very little reference to patients ever), and actress Sarah Alexander, the famous ‘Susan’ from “Coupling,” and I think it’s a sure win with American audiences.

So, until BBC America reruns this series, or it becomes available on Region 1 DVDs…here’s a link to some fantastic clips on Channel 4’s site (http://www.channel4.com/programmes/green-wing/video). They do have the entire series available for free online on their OnDemand site – but it only works if you live in the U.K. or Ireland. Stinkers.

I do hope you’re sated for now…but I’ll be back tomorrow anyway.