Day 22: “Greenfingers” and “Ghost in the Shell” – Frolicking Naked through the Literal and Virtual Gardens

Film 19: “Greenfingers” (2000) (UK)
Written and Directed by Joel Hershman

A young, angry Colin Briggs (Clive Owen) finds solace in the greener paths – as a gardener in an open prison. Georgina Woodhouse, a snooty power-maven in the upper class gardening circles (Helen Mirren) mentors his talent and takes his case to the powers-that-be – until he gets too close to her well-protected home. The excellent David Kelly (the Irish rogue from “Waking Ned”) supports Owen’s shut-down, lonely Briggs. A little frolicking in the garden – after all, what are gardens best for? – adds to the charm and comic touch of this little-known film (on our side of the pond anyway). If you’ve ever liked a British comedy, you’ll enjoy this one – as long as you’re okay with brief bum shots of buff men. (It’s not a chick flick, but why not see the shower scenes as a bonus?)

And if you’re a man in the mood for gratuitous nudity, keep reading…

Film 20: “Ghost in the Shell” (1995) (Japan)
Written by Kazunori Ito based on the manga by Masamune Shirow
Directed by Mamoru Oshii

So I’ll admit I hadn’t ever made myself actually watch “Ghost in the Shell” until now. If you live outside the sci-fi/fantasy worlds, you’ll be wondering why this is a big deal. If you travel inside them, as I often do, you’ll be shaking your head at my audacity. Especially if you’re a male cybergeek of a certain age – this film essentially put manga on the world map. I hear it referenced with awe at both sci-fi and movie conventions – a sort of breathless wonder at the purity of the manga form (Japanese comics).

I personally am not a manga girl (I won’t be reviewing the sequels), but it doesn’t take one to see the appeal of “Ghost” – nipples.

Robot nipples, skin-toned nipples, buffed-out, straining nipples; wet ones, arched ones, thrashing ones, falling-to-certain-death ones, even electrified ones…you get the picture. Who couldn’t?

Yes, there’s some pretty cool animation throughout. Tonally, it’s “Blade Runner” animated; the rain never stops falling. And subject-wise, there are some deeper questions being discussed – what makes us human? Is it merely self-awareness? In a futuristic world peopled by humans modified extensively by technology and Cyborgs, this becomes a hot political topic – one worth killing for, covering up (with never-ending expositional speeches) and engaging in gratuitously violent chase scenes. There’s some cool technology – especially the ‘cloaking’ type devices that most of the villains and heroes employ. Funny how only the male ones get to keep their clothes on to use it.

But the beautiful Japanese folk music isn't enough to cover clunky dialogue or add any real meaning to the random wind-swept profile shots. There's way too much backstory being told instead of seen, and the deep introspection of the often-naked female lead evaporates alongside a male scientist’s 14-year old joke, "I wonder if he [the male voice inside a naked, prone female Cyborg body] has a girlfriend?" Just in case you needed guidance to any porn-lite fantasies you weren't already having. At least this first installment features the faces of fully-grown women, versus the follow-ups, which obviously devolve into the normal 12-year old schoolgirl fantasy (somehow retaining the chest of a 22-year old pinup).

All I have to say to those holding out this film as evidence of a deeper sensibility in the sci-fi world is: get over yourselves. You dig the naked chicks.

Day 5: “Morons from Outer Space”: And Now For Something Completely Different…

Film 5: “Morons from Outer Space” (1985)
Written by Mel Smith and Griff Rhys Jones (“Alas, Smith and Jones,” Brit TV)
Directed by Mike Hodges (“Croupier” and 1971’s “Get Carter”)

Problem: Well, you see, there’s these people in a spaceship – not very bright people – a bit intelligence-challenged – in fact, morons. Four of them. One (Mel Smith) goes outside to play Spaceball in his spacewalk suit instead of fixing the broken navigational system…and BOOM! His mates (Joanne Pearce, Jimmy Nail and Paul Bown) lean on the gas, and leave him flat.

Solution: Hitch a ride of course. So it doesn’t work out very well, and you end up dumped on the nearest rotating rock? And you realize that while you’re viewed as a lunatic, your moronic mates have become rock stars on Earth…okay, solutions seem slim on the ground.

Result: What do ya think I think? Totally awesome! As in TOTALLY. Completely saturated in 1980s culture – London punks, Cold War paranoia and the best spoof of ‘Close Encounters of the Third Kind’ I’ve ever seen – this movie will probably be loved most by those of us who lived through the era. Mel Smith, best known to most Yanks as the Albino in “Princess Bride,” has made quite a tidy living with co-writer Griff Rhys-Jones in surreal comedy, continuing the fine Monty Python tradition. Plenty of it is here in embryonic form, with a very filming-in-the-garage feel, reminiscent of “Real Genius” and “Top Secret!” A lovely treat for anyone who’s ever chuckled at “Spaceballs,” loved “E.T.” or truly enjoyed “Star Trek.” (Me? So guilty...on all counts.)

Day 2: "Jumper" - Sci Fi Quickie

Film 2: “Jumper”

Problem: A geeky boy finds freedom from derision and loneliness in his newfound power: jumping telepathically from spot to spot. Over the next few years, he (Hayden Christensen) finds a little money, globe-trots with beautiful strangers, and then POW! Big bad Samuel L. Jackson shows up and tries to off him. Seems he’s got a big theological problem with folks that have god-like powers. Sort of a bummer, huh?

Solution: Fight back of course, while courting your childhood true love (Rachel Bilson).

Result: Okay, so you’ve heard it. But I have to say it was better than I thought, shorter than I’d expected, and the big bonus: seeing Hayden Christensen’s face move! I’d seen it happen before he became Anakin Skywalker – or his stone-faced stand-in – when he starred opposite Kevin Kline in the excellent “Life as a House” (2001). Good news – it still works, and his co-jumper Jamie Bell adds a little liveliness. I do wish Diane Lane, who shows up for only the briefest of moments, had stuck around longer. But it’s a quick, action-y type…no frills, but not bad.